Arguments over money and finances could cause so much harm to a relationship. Couples are surprised that they might never have talked about it until they married. Different views and ways of handling money could quickly become a heated conversation between couples—and it won’t be as easy as compromising where to put your toothbrush.
Earlier conversations about how to manage finances are vital. And skipping the talk about money before marriage puts a greater risk of finance-related separation over time. The problematic talk cannot be skipped as this could cause rifts between couples, so here is a simple train of thought that could lead to a healthy and productive conversation.
Normalize the need for a prenuptial agreement.
Marriage is never about love— marrying for love does not mean that money is out of the equation. Most of one’s future transactions to be made by each couple will not be the same once marriage kicks in. Marrying a partner means marrying their finances; knowing the person, one is in bed with is very important. After all, wouldn’t one need to know if the grand wedding involves a grand debt—just in preparation for the “big day”?
What the law says
Your spouse is not obligated to share the burden of paying your debt. Under Section 4, Article 121 of the Family Code of the Philippines (Executive Order 209): “payment of personal debts contracted by the husband or the wife before or during the marriage shall not be charged to the conjugal properties partnership except insofar as they redounded to the benefit of the family.” The debts contracted by a spouse before or during the marriage will not be considered conjugal, and the Partner is not obligated to pay, except these debts have not been used to benefit the family.
Dinner at a fancy restaurant, groceries that did not reach the household that is paid using a credit card with your spouse’s name are conjugal. Not monitoring each other’s spending could lead to financial infidelity, resulting in undisclosed debt, overdrawn bank accounts, and hidden credit cards in a wallet. Such kind of infidelity jeopardizes one’s financial future and that of one’s Partner and kids. So make sure that your Partner is not shoving debt down your throat and end up leaving you to dust. Honesty in terms of having financial challenges allows both partners to put them out together.
How to start the big talk or Money Talks?
Conversations about finances aren’t easy to start. It’s never easy to admit to a person you are dating that you do not have much or nothing—not amid a new relationship.
If you haven’t reached the money talk phase, here is how to talk about money with your Partner, or to at least set the direction:
- Shop together. This reveals a lot about how couples make buying decisions. You will discover that your Partner is willing to pay more for eco-friendly or name-brand goods or could settle for products that aren’t but with the same quality.
- Maintain good credit separately. Keeping a good credit score will put you both in a better financial position in case you apply for loans.
- Discuss long-term goals. This includes talk of finances. The lifestyle they’re willing to pursue or maintain, buying a car and a property, having kids, and how many can they afford—in a serious relationship, these shouldn’t feel uncomfortable.
- Show bank statements and other financial documents. Mailed statements may be opened in front of your Partner, and one should have no problem showing it—marriage, remember? Showing these documents isn’t easy, but it’s necessary.
- Discuss career goals. Talking about jobs is also a financial discussion. The potential earning capability of your Partner plays a pivotal role in your family lives. This is subtle money talk that makes so much sense because living with a person who has clearly set career goals secures or maps out incoming funds for the household.
- Look out for vices. Vices are vicious in whacking up couples’ finances. Cigarette smoking, alcoholism, drugs, and gambling could easily reach the point of addiction, which leads to financial infidelity. One starts to hide their spending or newly formed habits until debts hit both partners.
- Go out to dinner with each other’s family. A lot is revealed in front of a dining table in a Filipino household. You might be surprised that your Partner is struggling because he or she takes care of everyone. And don’t get it all wrong, it’s sweet to see a responsible person, but it’s a red flag to see that many of the family members are free-loaders.
What to do to make money conversations lighter?
- Investing. Invest in skills, join financial education seminars together, and buy a property—what matters is that you both commit to building and protecting your hard-earned wealth. The better you set your finances, the more you have time to love each other and enjoy each other’s company.
- Saving. Yes, it’s not all about putting the money out for investment. You both need to know that liquidity is still as important as investing in any deal.
- Keep a joint and separate bank account.
A fraction of your savings must be allotted so that the leeway to spend on something is still available. A partner might feel strangled when they must ask every time money runs short. So there must be one joint account that needs both partners’ signatures and one for each Partner in which they can do whatever they feel they need to do.
It’s never about money, but to live, it’s necessary. Money is energy and fuel to keep a standard of life; it allows a person to share more with the world if necessary. Money fuels the strength of a fruitful relationship, and skipping the talk does not contribute to a long-term relationship. In a romantic or business relationship, money talk should be easy.
For more information on Vista Residences, email info@vistaresidences.com.ph, follow @VistaResidencesOfficial on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube, or call the Marketing Office at 0999 886 4262 / 0917 582 5167.
